Good Afternoon, World 🙂
Cold water tastes amazing right now. I love July, because it’s a reminder that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.
I don’t know. I have no idea. I’m just fucking writing, so bear with me. This is what happens when you promise yourself to put pen to paper at the appointed time, and now, no matter what your state of mind, you just gotta do it. You gotta funnel every ounce of being into this keyboard because
“That’s our job, baby, that’s what we do, and when the clock goes ding, we go.”
But I’m very thankful that I have this place I can go, this little internet home where I can just pour out whatever’s weighing me down, if I so choose. I can’t say everything, because internal struggle is best kept away from public view, but it’s nice to know that I can set a few thoughts down here, lay them on the table, and keep my world in order.
Life gets fucking real sometimes, but that’s fine.
I’m just glad to be here, alive another day, breathing the summer air and listening to chirp of a nearby bird. I’m thankful that my baby is fast asleep next to me, and that my husband got home early from work today. I’m thankful for my health and for my family, this space.
Thank you, everyone who has reached out to me and offered kind words and condolences. You guys are awesome, and I’m sorry that I’m so tardy to reply. Sometimes social interaction makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious. It gets particularly bad when I’m under stress, which I guess you could say I am. I don’t know.
I’ve heard such kind, sweet words over the past week, and I’m so thankful for the kindness I’ve encountered. I’m fine, I’m just taking things slow, trying to ease my way back into my normal work week. It’s amazing how even something as simple as a restless night can mess up your morning, and set off a chain-reaction throughout the rest of your week.
That’s alright, though.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it didn’t fall overnight.” – Jocko Willink
This life is so full of potential. It is possible to some real good in the world, if you want to.
Don’t run away from that, especially not by ending your life before its natural course.
Help someone else. Take care of your family, or maybe find someone to take care of. What would make you value your existence enough to make you want to live another day? Do that, then. Fine, whatever.
But don’t give up.
And especially don’t tap out because you’re finally being held accountable for your actions. Accept the consequences and live out your torment, and see what you can do with the time you have left.
That’ll have to do. I’ll see you guys next time.